HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE PART 11

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HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE PART 11

HOW TO WIN BACK YOUR DIGNITY AND CONFIDENCE?

Disclaimer: This blog can happen to both male and female.

Have you been hurt by your partner or spouse?

Not physically but verbally, mentally and emotionally?

Have you ever heard someone telling you these lines:
“Sino magtiyatiyaga sa iyo, tignan mo nga itsura mo?”
“Ang pangit mo na, ang taba taba mo pa! “
“Wala nang magmamahal sa iyo!”
“Wala kang silbi. Daig mo pa ang inutil.”
This is where the BPS comes in, also known as the “Battered Person Syndrome.” Reality speaking, even if it’s not physical abuse it can still be considered as BPS because abuse can come in many different ways. Are you being compared to someone else so many times? Is your spouse always highlighting your mistakes? Does he/she emphasize on the things that you can’t do, rather on the things that you can? Do you have a spouse who is so insensitive that he/she doesn’t care if he/she has offended you with his words and actions? Is your spouse your greatest source of criticism and discouragement? Does he/she express his/her regrets that he/she married you? I am sorry to say but technically speaking you are a battered husband/wife.
KINDS OF ABUSE
VERBAL
Verbal abuse occurs when one person uses words and body language to inappropriately criticize another person. It is defined as improper or excessive use of language to undermine someone’s dignity and security through insults or humiliation, in a sudden or repeated manner.

MENTAL
Mental abuse is a form of violence that affects the mind, often leaving the abused feeling worthless and lacking empowerment. You’ll know that you’re mentally abused if your partner/spouse are doing things that make you feel unloved and unworthy of respect. This type of abuse prevents healthy lifestyles because the abused feels he/she is unable to reach goals or participate in healthy behaviors. A person who is mentally abused often feel insecure, depress and miserable.
EMOTIONAL
Emotional abuse may be occurring if “you are being treated in a way that makes you upset, ashamed or embarrassed.” Furthermore, your partner may say mean things to you, threaten you, insult you, put you down, and tell you that you make poor decisions, make you feel crazy, isolate you from friends or family, or ignore your feelings. Common phrases an emotional abuser may say are, “You’re so stupid,” “Nobody else would ever want you,” “You look disgusting” and “You’ll never be good enough to do that.”
Our tongue is so powerful. It can bring healing and it can bring pain; it can bring life and it can bring death; it can build and it can destroy. It’s amazing that even though our tongue doesn’t have bones, it can strike a person down. Imagine how small it is yet so powerful that it can destroy not just one’s dignity and confidence but most importantly lives and relationships. (James 3:1-12)

 

People often say hurtful words and statements especially when they are angry or disappointed, when they’re tired or exhausted, when they’re in a bad mood. But for some, it’s like a habit that they’re unaware of. It’s just too sad that when they’ve finally realized how they’ve been too harsh and abusive, it already ruined someone else’s self-esteem. Damage has been done. Wounds have been made. You can say sorry and apologize, but words spoken cannot be taken back. You can be forgiven, but the words you spoke will never be forgotten. So don’t mix your ‘bad words’ with your ‘bad mood’ because you’ll have many opportunities to change your mood, but you’ll never get the opportunity to replace the words you spoke.
Words and hearts should be handled with care for words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest things to repair. Be sure to ‘taste’ your words before you spit them out.

Now, the question is, if you were the victim of verbal, mental and emotional abuse, how can you win back your dignity and confidence?
DECIDE

Enough is enough! Decide and resolve to protect yourself from these abusive patterns. You need to protect & love yourself. This abuse will not stop unless you decide to do something about it. Wake up, stand on your ground and reject those abuses against you.
Maybe you’re thinking, “Who will change my spouse or my partner, I am the only person who can help him change and understand.” May I ask, “How can you help others if you cannot help yourself?” Prioritize yourself before your prioritize others.
Maybe you’re asking, ‘do you mean to say I should leave my spouse?’. No, the only time you should consider leaving is when there’s a threat to your life and your kids. Okay, you’ve decided to protect yourself from these abuses, now, what practical steps can you do:

  1. Talk to your spouse about what you’re feeling and the possible consequences both of you can experience if this continues.

 

  1. Do not absorb all the ‘painful words’ your spouse is telling you. Allow it to enter with your left ear then let it go out with your right ear. Don’t let it dwell in your heart and mind, just let it go. It will not help you anyway. So if your spouse is throwing ‘trashes’ on you, don’t store it, throw it away. Don’t keep it.

 

  1. Let those ‘negative statements’ challenge and motivate you to excel more in everything. Prove your spouse wrong by living victoriously.

BREAK THE CYCLE
Try to determine how and when the abuse started. Know its source. Maybe it all starts from a minor and petty disagreement, needs that weren’t met, unfulfilled expectations, unresolved issues from the past, a bad habit he/she inherited from his/her family, lack of attention, etc. Know its roots, break it, and reconcile by appeasing the victim.
SEEK HELP
You can’t deal with this alone. Admit to yourself that you need help. Tell someone you trust; who can take extensive measures to protect your safety and privacy, such as your doctor or a professional counsellor. A professional counsellor can help you understand what you’re going through and can help you get out of that situation (being abused). Find a support group too that can provide information, a place to stay, counseling and emotional support, as well as point you to legal help.

You also need spiritual and emotional strength. Join a church fellowship/community, a small group or a bible study group that can pray and help you as you go through this season of your life.

BELIEVE IN THE TRUTH, NOT IN A LIE
Never believe to what the person is telling you because that’s not the truth.
“Walang kang kwentang tao!”

“Wala nang magtiyatiyaga sa iyo!”

“Wala nang magmamahal sa iyo!”

The Bible clearly tells us the opposite:

“You are fearfully and wonderfully made for He created your inmost being…” (Psalm 139:14)

“He will never ever leave you nor forsake you…” (Hebrews 13:5)

“He have loved you with an everlasting love…” (Jeremiah 31:3)
Soak yourself with these truths from the Bible. The Bible is ‘God’s Love Letter’ to you. Read it, reflect on it and keep it in your heart and mind. Do not be deceived by the abusive words that you hear from your spouse or from anyone else. Remember who created you, and how much God deeply and endlessly loves you. His love for you is so great that He gave His one and only Son so you can have eternal life.
THINK. REFLECT. APPLY.
Are you being battered by your spouse?

What are you planning to do about it?

Have you made an effort to reach out and break the cycle of abuse?

chink3

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